Even Superheroes Need Rules
by The Ghost Story
Summary: As long as it isn't Sokovia Accords! The Avengers have gotten into too many shenanigans. It's time to lay down the boundaries and call in someone to make a list of rules. You'd be surprised about what they get into. ACCEPTING RULE REQUESTS! FEEL FREE TO REQUEST AN OC APPEARANCE TOO! :)
1. Time For Action

"Yeah...we have a problem."

"Where are you two?! I've been worried sick!"

"Chill mother hen, we went to a party!"

"Aaand we wound up in the middle of nowhere somehow. The car's a wreck. Tell Tony we can't afford to pay him back. It's the cherry red one."

"...you took _the_ _most expensive car._..to a party?!"

"Yeeeah? Ever hear of showing up in style?"

"I can't believe you two..."

"Anyhow, we may have gotten drunk."

"Not surprised."

"And stuff may have happened..."

"What?"

"If anyone asks why there's pictures of Nat in my room, say Tony did it."

" _What?!_ "

"And if anyone's house got egged and other stuff, it wasn't me."

"You two...I swear."

"Sorry..."

"Just come home!"

Steve hung up with a sigh. Sam coyly took a drink of coffee. "See why it's important for me to accompany the Hawk and the Soldier?" Steve sighed again. "I'm going to have to start making some rules...better yet, I know who will love to."

"Probabaly not Fury I take it." Sam followed Steve over to the phone. "No, someone else who is good at managing a bunch of children."

He punched the number in and a seven letter name flashed on the screen.

"Oh, and Sam...I think Bucky did something to your house."


	2. This is only the beginning 1-17

**A/N: lexi1220, Peter Parker** ** _can_** **be in here if you want! I'll try to shove some rules in about him, as well as cover the back stories behind the reason the rules are here. If you want to request an encounter with your OC in one of the Reason stories, feel free to do so! :)**

 **I own nothing...except this nuke. *echoing roaring voice* NOW TURN CAP BACK TO THE GOOD SIDE OR ELSE! Say No To HydraCap!**

"Thanks for coming Coulson." Steve shook the man's hand. Phil was trying his hardest to remain cool. "No problem Cap! Thank you for calling me. It's an honor sir, really." He went into business mode and clicked his pen. "I noticed a few things on my way here that really need to be written down."

1\. Thor is not allowed to put his hammer on the Nutella.

2\. Just because Loki is staying here, doesn't mean you can ask him to turn the floor to Jell-O. ( _I'm talking to you Clint!)_

3\. Bucky's arm is NOT a toy. You cannot play capture the flag with it. ( _Clint again)_

4\. No one can tell Natasha she is good at singing...unless you are Barton. This rule was in effect at S.H.I.E.L.D. and is in effect here too.

5\. On the topic of singing...Natasha, just because you can "do it like a brother" and "do it like a dude" does not mean you should "grab your crotch" and "wear your hat low." That is stereotyping men and just because most of the team wear a cap doesn't mean you should make fun of them. It's some bizarre disguise method.

6\. Tony, Natasha can not model your bikini line, and no, you can't either. That'd be weird.

7\. BUCKY IS NOT ALLOWED TO STEAL SAM'S WINGS! HE IS DEFINITELY NOT ALLOWED TO PAINT THEM PINK!

8\. Sam is not allowed to put a high powered magnet on the ceiling. _(I saw the calendar. No one thought to look for him for a week because he spends a lot of time alone. And a hungry serial killer is never fun.)_

9\. Tony, marking the time you found Bucky on the magnet on the calendar for a holiday when you try to find him again is not acceptable.

10\. Tony, no offering Steve fondue. No matter how funny it may seem.

11\. Photoshopping Sharon's head on bikini clad models and hanging up the poster's in Steve's room is prohibited. He nearly panicked at the sight. ( _We don't know who's doing this, but stop_.)

12\. Clint, using the trigger words ( _how did you get a hold of that book_?!) to activate Winter Soldier mode so you can command him to run to 7-11 and buy you slurpee is really not a good idea. _(Granted he pays for it and goes about getting the slurpee in a civil fashion is besides the point. The problem is when he is deactivated he becomes a very angry guy who wants your blood_.)

13\. Tony, never say "Hey bros, it's Tonee Stahk!" as an advertising pitch. I'm pretty sure that's copyright.

14\. Bucky, you cannot make a product with the slogan of "Shut Up!" ( _Planning on calling your product "Friendly Fire" is a 'no' too.)_

15\. Clint, it's alright to want to be the next Bart Baker. It's not alright to kidnap him.

16\. Steve, no putting buzzers on Tony to shock him every time he swears. A good old "language" is enough.

17\. Whenever Tony and Steve argue it is not alright to yell "CIVIL WAR!" ( _Seriously Clint, stop. It stopped being funny the 50th time around.)_

Steve took the rules and looked at them in shock. Coulson smiled. "This is only the beginning."


	3. Rules 18-37

**A/N: Storygirl000, I honestly have no idea. XD It's Clint! Don't question it!**

 **And Bart Baker is a parody maker on you-tube. He's pretty funny, and if you can withstand innuendo and cursing I recommend checking him out!**

"How are you Coulson?" Steve asked as he serenely took a drink of coffee. "Well Captain, the entire week I've been here I've amassed some new rules." Steve spit out his coffee. "ALREADY?!"

"Yes, and I believe you would like to have a look?"

18\. Clint, if there is no reason to yell language, don't. It's not nessecary. Shut up. _(And don't tell me language for this!_ )

19\. Scott, please stop swimming in the coffee. It's not tasty.

20\. Clint, just because FitzSimmons is "FitzSimmons" does not mean you can call you and Natasha "Clintasha"

21\. No saying Bucky and Falcon's ship name. Clint...stop. Ok? You've already been hung by your underwear from a flagpole...how much can you take?!

22\. Steve, if anyone makes an underwear joke...PLEASE do not tell us you're not wearing any today. TMI.

23\. In light of current events there will be no more "Pin the tail on the Bruce"

24\. No one wants to hear about how great you are Tony.

25\. On that note, CLINT! STOP TELLING EVERYONE TO SMELL YOUR FEET!

26\. Fanfiction. Forbidden. I don't need to say anything else.

27\. Peitro, quit dragging your finger against your throat and mouthing "whiplash" whenever Vision looks at Wanda, seriously...stop.

29\. Peter Parker is not to be confused with Peter Quill

30\. Peter Quill is not a porcupine.

31\. Peter Parker is not the son of Black Widow

33\. We will not be speaking of a..."colorful parody" someone is making of our Civil War. ( _We would have stopped them...but free speech.)_

34\. No screaming "IMA BIRD MOTHER-!" when jumping from buildings. ( _Clint, why are you on this list so much?!_ )

35\. No screaming "CANNIBAL!" whenever Sam eats anything bird. ( _Barnes..._ )

36\. We will not tolerate making your action figures kiss. ( _CLINT, AGAIN?!_ )

37\. You may not smack Captain Rogers' assets.

Steve turned red at the last one. Coulson just took back the clipboard and left the room. Steve slumped down with a sigh.

"Why am I working with idiots?"


	4. Rules 38-47

**Wow!** **So much reviews and requests! :D**

 **Thank you so much for your kind input!**

 **Thanks for** **the** **amazing reviews WrittenWithLove765, nightmarehunter676, CustardKitty and casualty the facts! They are much appreciated! :D**

 **And thank you for the requests rbavenger and lexi1220! They're incredibe and I'm getting right on them!**

 **I own nothing! We thiiiiink...lol!**

38\. Loki is not allowed to watch any cartoons that have the abominable snowman. ( _That was very mean Clint_ )

39\. The next person who prints out the S.H.I.E.L.D. vacation request forums, or any other forum for that matter, in a dead language such as Latin will be shot and fired, in that order. ( _Seriously Agent Barton, Romanoff and Stark, how did you find the Romulan language?_ )

40\. Stop asking Steve to say "You rang?" He is not Lurch from the Adams Family. ( _Enough already Clint...)_

41\. Tony is not allowed to watch Inspector Gadget cartoons. ( _We have enough accidents as it is...)_

42\. No making fake diseases to screw with people. ( _I'm looking at you Bruce.)_

43\. No spraying pesticides on Spider Man or Ant Man. ( _I've reached my limit Clint...)_

44\. NATASHA ROMANOFF IS NOT TO BE FLIRTED WITH DURING THE END OF THE MONTH! UNLESS YOU WANT TO DIE, DON'T.

45\. Sam, we really should watch your orange juice intake. It is healthy for you...but you may be overdosing. Ever hear of "Too much of a good thing?"

46\. Bucky...we have enough plums. Seriously. We're good.

47\. Unless you have a death wish, do not insult Sharon Carter. Seriously. ( _She's dating Captain America and is good friends with Sam and Bucky...you really want to think twice.)_

48\. Bucky will not "whip his hair back and forth" and will be annoyed with you if you suggest such a thing. ( _Sam_...)

49\. No hanging people upside down Peter!

50\. Yes Peter, you can invite Ava Ayala, Luke Cage and Danny Rand over. No, you may not invite THE WHOLE HIGH SCHOOL!

51\. The Captain America theme by The Warp Zone is unrelated to Cap and if Sam and Bucky would quit replaying it, I think we'll be alright.

52\. Bucky does not want his make up done Clint...it was one time. And I'm pretty sure it was camouflage paint. Anyways, no doing it while he's sleeping.

53\. Peter Quill will not do any of your guy's hair! So quit asking! ( _You again Clint?_ )

54\. Screaming "All by myself" whenever anyone walks down an empty hallway is not encouraged. ( _Clint, you need a hobby.._ )

55\. Sam and Bucky...if you see two people at a karaoke bar who look like you, do not engage. I REPEAT! DO NOT ENGAGE! ( _Don't question this rule. It is highly necessary_.)

56\. In light of recent events we seem to have a new rule...which is no strapping weights to Pietro's shoes. ( _That wasn't cool...I'm guessing Clint.)_

57\. Wanda will not date you Tony. That's creepy.

Steve blinked in confusion at the 55th one but followed the instructions. "You may need to have a talk with your archer." Coulson mildly suggested. Steve groaned softly.

"I'll get on it."

In his mind, he was dreading it.


	5. Rules 49-77

**Sorry for the wait! But I have more rules now!**

 **Thank you for your requests rbavenger, Carolyn 12, lexi1220 and casualty the facts!**

 **And thank you for your review WrittenWithLove765!**

 **Now, do I own nothing? Yes. Is that going to stop me from writing about the Avengers just because they belong to Marvel? There's** **a vine that says; "OH HELL NO-OH-OH!"**

48\. Do not touch Jane's silence equipment! She will sic Thor on you!

49\. Jane do not sic Thor on people.

50\. Do not leave Loki and Darcy unsupervised together...it never ends well.

51\. Thor stop stealing all the Poptarts. Jane, Darcy please don't encourage him.

52\. Darcy quick starting prank wars with Clint. ( _Even though with all the mischief he's caused he kinda deserves it.)_

53\. No joy riding on/in the Iron Man suit. Tony cares about that hunk of metal. (... _do I even need to say who?)_

54\. ...Don't call the Iron Man suit a hunk of metal...

55\. Scott, you are not allowed to send a bunch of ants over to Peter and freak him out. ( _You are not the superior bug. You both have strengths and weaknesses.)_

56\. The dating rules are not racist Clint...( _where are you getting these ideas?!_ )

57\. Agents, do not stare at Miss Lewis' "girls" unless you would like to tasered. ( _Ask Thor, if you don't believe me. He has witnessed some of her victims fall to the shock.)_

59\. Be aware when Miss Foster is driving a car! ( _Contact Thor for more details_.)

70\. AGENTS! DO NOT, I REPEAT, DO NOT EAT ALL THE CHOCOLATE CANDY WHEN IT'S NEAR THE END OF THE MONTH! DO YOI WANT TO BE MURDERED BY THE WOMEN?! ( _Why Clint and Thor? Whhhyyy?)_

71\. All personnel are to stop referring to Deputy Director Hill as the "Wicked Witch of S.H.I.E.L.D."...unless you have a death wish. ( _The cauldron was a bit much Tony.)_

72\. You are forbidden from asking Loki to make it snow on the Helicarrier deck so you can make snow angels! ( _And there is definitely no writing your name in the snow Clint!)_

73\. ATTENTION MORTALS! KNEEL BEFORE THE GOD OF MISCHIEF AND HEAR MY WORDS! YOU SHALL NOT ATTEMPT TO "HOOK ME UP" WITH MARIA HILL. SHE MAY BE PRETTY AND STRICT, BUT SHE IS NO ICE QUEEN! ( _Loki?! How'd you access this?! Oh never mind...)_

74\. Tony, if I hear one more mother-( _sir.._ ) Barney song on my mother-( _sir_!) Helicarrier...I WILL THROW YOUR( _SIR_! _LANGUAGE!)_ BEHIND OFF WITHOUT YOUR MOTHER-( _Please! Captain America is around!_ ) IRON MAN SUIT!

75\. Agents Barnes and Barton. If Agent Wilson is kind enough to get you to where you need to be via wings, he is done with you guys saying "Jack...Jack, I'm flying! I'm flying!"

76\. Sam and Bucky are not to left alone together. While they get along most of the time, sometimes they will lose it...and stuff blows up.

77\. No screaming "I AM THE LAW!" while undercover like as police officer. ( _Barton_...)

"I thought you were going to talk with him." Coulson asked Steve calmly. Steve groaned. "I've been meaning to...he's playing 'hard-to-find.'"

All of a sudden someone ran in the room. "BEEP BEEP!" Clint yelled and ran out. Steve blinked as Bucky charged in with glitter flying out of his hair. Phil clicked his pen open and scribbled something down.

All Steve could do was groan.


End file.
